PLEASE HELP !!! Any tips for dealing with intrusive thoughts? He has without a doubt destroyed my life and my ability to trust anyone. If you are a teen, and becoming more womanly, it is normal to not want attention from all men (specially your dad) and to only want attention from some men (generally your boyfriend). Definitely. In fact, youre paying them a compliment: youre telling them you trust that theyd never want to make you feel uncomfortable. I don't know if I was sexually abused by my father. And I love him. It's wrong. We do live together, but currently I see him rarely as he lives in the US at this moment for his job. If its the former, yay! (We live in the same city.) RawConfessions user (Login required), Your Message (please type your comment here). Read now. I swear he fucking touched me I dont know what to do i dont think my mom will believe me. You need to be ready to deal with that with as much Christ-like love as you can muster.You love your Dad, but if he is guilty of the things you think he is then that love should compel you to stop him. I comforted her for a few minutes, and then we left. Was the restriction of unclean foods in the Bible a commandment. I'd do the "Artist's Way" or something, become clearer in my life, and up it would pop -- still no memory, but a stark, unignorable presence. I want to make everything all right, let it go. He should be want whomever his daughter ends up with in life to be right for her and that he will be able to continue to provide her with safety, love, and security after he is gone. Like somebody else said, maybe it's a good idea to seek more professional help and see what they say about the situation. Manage Settings When I mentioned all this to my editor, she told me she had a similar story of her own. Nothing less Talk to a counselor online, anytime. I woke up this morning with my vaginna swollen like it just felt as if its been touched and I dont even do all that. But like you know if your vjj feel different out of nowhere. Started Saturday at 09:38 PM, By It will be awkward and hard but tell that to your mom,how you felt and everything,she might tell him easier then you,or you tell him,with consideration as you probably would.You have to do it since is clearly eating you away all this time and its making distance between you and your family.Go do it. It hurts me because I feel he doesn't care or love me. Designed by Elegant Themes | Powered by WordPress. I have caught him checking me out (backside, chest) several times. Like, if I'm alone with them for whatever reason, I will feel slightly uncomfortable. You dont have to explain anymore. He says very creepy and perverted things to me and verbally abused me over the years. Heres what I recommend: Ask your dad if you can have a little talk. I felt this vivid feeling of being trapped, a prisoner, an intense combined feeling of anger and frozenness, powerlessness. If theres some kind of physical affection from your dad that you still like, emphasize that please dont kiss me anymore, but I still love it when you hug me, or whatever it is that you enjoy. am I being too sensitive? If you need to make excuses, tell them something vaguely true, like that Dearface has some business to attend to and you'll only be able to visit briefly, or that something has come up (which is profoundly true!). Why couldn't it just be my mom, woman to womanhadn . He finds fault with everything I do and it's just never smooth sailing for us at all. toughlove1993 Hes molested me as a child up to 14 then I got token away by the government and placed into a group home and Ive told my mom at first she didnt believe me but eventually she did. Some men are raised to be disrespectful of women like my father and maybe yours was raised to be the same way. Find out more about non-penetrative sex, and why it deserves more credit. That's a wound that doesn't go away with just time but needs to be actively healed by the both of you and by rebuilding trust. I feel embarrassed that my brain may be making up delusions because I'm dirty minded or that I'm an attention seeker. Ad Choices, "Youre not responsible for your fathers bad behavior. Does he stop kissing you, or does he pressure you to change your mind, or even ignore what youve said and go on kissing you? luckily, he's changed since then. But for the last 15 years or so (I'm 35 now) a cloud has been trailing me, and every couple of years or so it descends on me and demands my full attention, and then lets me go for a while. Read More >, This has never happened in our family before. Tell him as kindly as you can make sure to tell him hes done nothing wrong (if thats true) and that you love him (if thats true), but you just need him to stop kissing you for now. Started Monday at 08:56 AM, By He's never interested in anything I do or cares to discuss things with me like a parent and child does. Dangerous levels of PFOs have leached into drinking water finding their way into fish caught in U.S. rivers and lakes. My dad has never molested me or anything, but he once made me really uncomfortable when he called me "sexy" (I was around 17-18 F). The legendary fashion designer died at 81. Started Thursday at 10:00 PM, By And still, there was no picture. I didn't feel good about going, but I felt worse about canceling. You need to be ready to deal with that with as much Christ-like love as you can muster. My mom pulled me aside and questioned me further, and I said I found something on my computer that I didn't like. Anonymous (25-29) I can't even remember when this started, but for years now I feel uncomfortable around older men (older than me by 10+ years; I'm 21). When I was young I begin having sexual fantasies at the early age of four. The material on this site may not be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, cached or otherwise used, except with the prior written permission of Cond Nast. Why do some nations trace descent through the father, others through the diff Is there even a name for this? ago It's so reassuring to know I'm not alone. He said, "Its your problem. I am sorry and hope that you can find some peace with your situation. Love your dad. What you describe sounds like sexual abuse of children. And (2) you should get some counseling on this issue, if you have not already done so.Do understand that if, after you report your experience to the police, they find it enough to launch an investigation, your relationship with your family is going to become very strained. I feel bad for my dad. 1 comments. We knew it was risky, Mr. Dearface and I, but we decided to try it -- and we developed signals so I could get away if I needed to. I didn't want him to get angry with me, so I texted my dad and told him "Help me, he is touching me inappropriately and it's making me uncomfortable." My dad was sitting a couple of feet away from me. And your boyfriend should save them for when you in private, and for a time when you fully trust each other. This is your dad you are talking about. I've gotten counseling about this on and off for the past 15 years. I've always felt uncomfortable around the two of them. But he should be able to work through those feelings without leaning on you. That is, when you say, "I don't know how to take care of myself and still be compassionate with them," I would suggest that you do both -- just not at the same time! You deserve to thrive and not be just a survivor. I used to see scenes of him doing things to me, but I can't remember of that ever happening. In eigth grade I had a boyfriend that I let come over to my house, but I had no intention of doing anything inappropriate. Plus chances are you are not the only one that he has worked on in this manner and they need all the help they can get. He's such sad, wistful figure to me, despite everything. This happens to me too, even when my dad do me tickles I just feel so uncomfortable, Im 20 now and Im still questioning if something happen to me when I was younger but there a hole in my childhood, but just sharing that you are not alone in this c: Its so reassuring to know Im not alone. I lost it, as quietly as I could, there on the deck. Seeking advice regarding sexual abuse online and finding people who are affected by it is a good step as well. You are not alone. Reply; Richa. Things were doable for a few days. Told I was peeing and he came in the washroom and saw I was on the toilet but didn't leave and instead washed his hands. Have you been treated inappropriately by older men in your past? But, as always, not knowing. i always Mr. Dearface was out at a lecture somewhere else on the island. My mom was upset on the other hand though. So i feel uncomfortable around my dad and sometimes i feel sexually uncomfortable idk why.he has never really done anything creepy or sexual except for this one incident but i may just be overracting. Which is best? I moved back to my home country and only visit him now. I think you should call somewhere like the kidshelpphone.ca to get more indepth advice than what you can get here. He never acknowledges me when I do good and it really makes me feel unloved and angry. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. React. . I have always wondered how serious it actually was. But then I think of my brother, and my aging mother, who's taking care of both of them, and my confused old father, and I think, how can I not attempt it? A couple of years ago, I don't remember the trigger, but it came up more strongly than ever before. Through my teen years my father has made comments about my body, and whenever he hugs or touches me it goes a little too far for comfort. Teen Vogue covers the latest in celebrity news, politics, fashion, beauty, wellness, lifestyle, and entertainment. After fighting with Greta Thunberg on Twitter, noted misogynist Andrew Tate has been detained on human trafficking charges in Romania. I keep having flashes of him raping me as well. It felt like my eyes went up in flames. i feel very uncomfortable with him.. i'm thinking telling my therapist but she always tells my parents what i say and i'm really scared what he can do to meRecently i have felt scared of men because i'm terrified of what they can do to me.I got to say not all men are like that but it's a fear i can't control.can i get some advice? What about sending a letter? I have always felt uncomfortable around my dad. Related: Signs Your Parents Might Be Abusive, 2023 Cond Nast. Crossed isn't crossed enough to give me a safe feeling. How can I leave them alone at Christmas? Mr. Dearface held me and took care of me, and within an hour or so, I felt better. (stupid, I know) I told him that I wanted to take a nap, so he laid down with me. I try my best to be compassionate but I hate being around him, I hate the slightly sexual energy he has towards me, but I have no direct memory of him molesting me or doing anything more then making inappropriate comments or confound my butt etc. Recently I have been feeling really uncomfortable around my grandpa. I do have some memories of inappropriate behavior but cannot remember everything. She was married once but he was big and they had an open relationship. If they do, it is only online. He's such sad,. My dad looked over and said "don't worry I'll get that". Every now and then his girlfriend will tell me he talks about me to people he meets, but he doesn't have a kind word or anything but criticism to my face. Into music? This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies. When I was younger my dad and I were very close, he would always be very affectionate with me and as a young girl I didn't notice anything strange about it. Note that these are actions, not expressions of being. Im 22 and I have been treated bad by a older guy, but I was experiencing these things before that happened. Ive always felt uncomfortable. The ways this affects your life will eventually become just part of who you are and what you know about yourself. Any thoughts or suggestions would be wonderful , thanks so much. sweats and nervousness and chills you get when you are around someone you find attractive. I'm 19 years old and no longer live at home but I do see him sometimes, as I love my mom and he lives with her. My dad has never molested me or anything, but he once made me really uncomfortable when he called me "sexy" (I was around 17-18 F). My father has always been like that (minus the paranoia). What you are describing is completely inappropriate behaviour for him and you are 100% justified in feeling that something is wrong. Got That Feeling When yourself? He's just always been there & that's why I feel so uneasy around him. Youre not responsible for your fathers bad behavior. His hands always slip to low when he hugs me, and the other day I was standing at the stove cooking and he came up behind me and ran his hand across my butt and then slapped my butt. Tell him how you're feeling. jessb86a I decided to hire him and I am glad I did. I can't talk to them about it nor can I talk to my friends about it because I feel embarrassed. First of all, thank you for your brave, clear and detailed letter. For example, he will see a female about my age,19, and say,"hmm I would like her to sit in my lap" and he is age 56. All rights reserved. His eyes seem to have only half a person behind them. Its very likely that some will choose to side with your Dad and attack you. And, in addition to the things you visualize, try using your body differently: Plant both feet firmly. But I had never had anything like that happen before. My feeling was, if I can ignore this, I'm going to. And my dad -- the poor, old, broken being -- when my mom confronted him about this (she had permission from me this time), he denied ever having done anything sexually inappropriate with me or my brother. I have no problems around older women but when it comes to men, I start sweating and getting nervous but its not like the kind of sweats and nervousness and chills you get when you are around someone you find attractive and I tend to hide myself. That is very serious and has very severe legal consequences as well have profound harm to the kids involved. SALON is registered in the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office as a trademark of Salon.com, LLC. Is he interested or did I misunderstand the situation.. TikTok mom who got 'dumped' while pregnant shares how Tinder date became her fianc. To this day he can't say anything nice to me. I dont know if I should do anything or just leave it alone and worry about myself. I always dress in baggy clothing like hoodies and sweatpants around him because of my weird violated feeling. Sometimes it feels like the way he looks at me is creepy but I can't be fucking sure. I love my dad, but I think hes done some terrible things. Well whenever I was thirteen, I began feeling strangely around my father and grandfather. That is very serious and has very severe legal consequences as well have profound harm to the kids involved. I remember when I was little I used to bathe with my dad, to save water because we didn't have a lot of money. The good news is that you survived. Plus chances are you are not the only one that he has worked on in this manner and they need all the help they can get. This is Reddit's very own solution-hub. You brought him over." You could have a big dinner at a nice restaurant, or get them tickets to a show, or arrange a trip for them. I was always glad to drop it whenever it would loosen its grip on me. If you are in need of help please contact people who care and please remember suicide is never the answer. Kartoff But then, this last summer, two things happened that have made this finally unavoidable and undroppable. I don't know if I'm being overly sensitive to this or if there's some legitimate reason behind my feelings. My mom and dad are still together. I really believe that he will -- even before this happened, he seemed like a person who was partially dead. That's not a normal thing either. But otherwise he has never done anything creepy or sexual. Part of why you wrote what you wrote in your post is because you have to let it out.

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